Spent yesterday at the hospital with my brother. They took the tube out of his nose/throat/tummy about midday and he felt much better after that.
Today Daddy stayed with him so Mom and I could go up to Charleston to MUSC. We got the call yesterday that my cousin on my mom's side had been in a bad accident while on vacation in Myrtle Beach and was being air lifted him to MUSC. He's stable and there's no brain damage, so that's good. He's alert and aware and his color is good. But there's spinal cord damage. Too much swelling to say much yet but he's paralyzed. They'll do surgery once the swelling goes down and said it's way too early to lose hope about getting movement back.
My aunt, uncle and cousin (and her kids) made it in from NC last night and are staying until they can transfer him back up to Asheville. His girlfriend's there too with some of her family. She was in the car as well but only got minor scratches on her legs. They were driving along when he got a pain in his side then passed out, slumped over the wheel she couldn't get his foot off the accelerator and the hit a tree. Neither of the airbags deployed.
We're going back up there after the surgery. He was working when we visited this summer so I still haven't seen him in years. I'm looking forward to being able to talk to him. He can only blink right now because he's intubated. They'll be replacing that with a trach soon so he'll be able to talk. I hope he'll be able to communicate more about what happened so they can get to the bottom of why he lost consciousness.
He's a young (30s), healthy, brilliant fella so I know he'll be able to get through this. I just don't know what "this" will turn out to be in the long run. On the positive side, my aunt says he has some feeling in his chest and shoulders and was able to shrug. That's hopeful.
It's been a long day. Long week. Long couple of weeks, really.
I've been getting better. Less fatigue (less, not none), my hair, skin and nails are much improved. I think the Synthroid is helping. But I haven't slept worth a shit or before 4 to 6am in weeks. The relationship with the boy has been strained. A fw weeks of worry, a week of stress after we talked about it. That is improving so far and hopefully will continue to do so. But it seems that every time I so get sleep I wake up to another family member in critical condition in the hospital.
So much, so fast. And so serious! My brother was within two days of a fatal intestinal rupture. FATAL. He's 19. My cousin is paralyzed. It's extremely likely that he would have died on the scene but by some act of... there was a doctor driving along right behind them who was able to get him breathing.
I'll be back at the hospital with my brother tomorrow until my class at 5.
School is still going really well. Can't say the same for my brother but that's a different topic for a different time.
My brain hurt by the time we got back today. Took a xanax and a nap. That helped but when I got up I got nauseous. That's better now though.
I don't know, I'm just a bit stunned. I'm not even sure how clear this entry is but I don't have the energy for writing in my paper journal. My hand rarely moves fast enough for my brain and jumps around.
What's more stunning is that it's two family members I would never have suspected to be in these situations/conditions. I have an aunt who is in and out of the hospital a lot but she's doing well now. Another aunt with diabetes and a lot of personal stress right now but she's getting through as well. Cousins with substance issues and high risk lifestyles (or who have lost touch with the family completely). I would have expected something like that. Not this. This is not right. This is not fair. This makes no sense.
Stuff can turn so quickly. It's amazing. It's disturbing.
The past few days I've been so thankful that I took up knitting. I don't now what I would ahve been doing. I can't read when I'm waiting or on edge. I can't write anymore except on the computer and even then it's not like I used to write. It doesn't flow as well. But I have my yarn and the progress there and it keeps me occupied both mentally and physically plus it feels productive.
I've been working on the sock wars socks through this. I love the yarn and the pattern. I love the new needles.
I finally have an active target. That's exciting. I'm having fun with the whole thing but I was worried when I couldn't get my target's addy, or any response at all. Turns out she dropped out so I contacted her target. Thank goodness she's the same shoe size because I'm proud of the grafting on the first sock. Her target seems lovely and very cooperative and she's having fun with the game as well. :) Now my socks will be going to Australia! I get to visit vicariously via sock! Hehe. I really hope they fit and she'll be able to enjoy them. I'm really enjoying making them.
I took a bunch of stash photos over the weekend and I'll be posting them soon. Seems a bit trivial to tack on the this entry so I'll wait until things settle down a bit.
I may do that in a bit, depending on how soon I can convince myself I'm tired again. I guess it's not really so trivial. Yarn makes me happy. Happy is good. Maybe a little blurb on the specs of my weekend day trip and what not as well.
I can't let all of this get to me the wrong way. I'm proud of my ability to cope thus far. You have no idea what an amazing improvement it is. I have to say, I honestly believe that knitting has played an enormous part in a lot of the positive changes I've made in the past year. It's so great.
I worry about how much everyone else will be able to take without cracking though...